I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
