when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
