I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
