I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
