The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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