Just fell off a train. Bad.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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