I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
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You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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