I feel like I'm in dance class right now
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
