There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
