dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
how drunk are you?
Several
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
