so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize