I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
These 23 People Had Coworkers From Hell
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.