he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.