One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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