He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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