I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
