just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
