but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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