did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Four minutes until I can fart!
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
