Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
