So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
