I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
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Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
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I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I pour the whiskey from now on
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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