Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
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We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
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She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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