I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
