Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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