She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
