I'm eating all of the evidence.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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