I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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