remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
