did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
