just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
