Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I can text with my tongue
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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