Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
