I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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