you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
