I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I think my moral compass just broke
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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