as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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