in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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