So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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