your thong is hanging out like whoa
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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