I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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