so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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