We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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