Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
