hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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