you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
