How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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