Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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