I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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