just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
