well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
