Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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