so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
My vagina just recognized that song.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Randomize
