This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
