Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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