i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize