He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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