I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
