you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
