Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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