Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
