i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
