just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
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Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
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I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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