just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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