Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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