she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
