yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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