Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
