If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize
